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Something slipped off her lips
Slowly
Like the straps of her dress off her shoulder
And I place the words back in her mouth
Place the strands back
The truth
Her eyes were closed
The lie
I didn’t care
I wasn’t fucking around when I said she was beautiful
I wasn’t
I could never
Her shadow even resounded with it
Dancing across water and grass
It would steer a scorching coal into my heart
I burn
It was the first flinch
First date
I knew that something was in the dust
Following
With no idea what it was
I pretended
It worked
Till her eyes closed
She would never see
Blind
To my sacrifice
Made without regard to sight
She felt the dissonance in the air when I fell to my knees
I didn’t leave
But I can’t speak about such things
Truth will flood the world
But not now
Only tears from my side
I hold it like the hurt when I place my hands around her
Hold it in
©2006-2009 ~Lochdonhan
:iconlochdonhan:

Author's Comments

Still on knees, blinking at my watch

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:icondaydreamofillusion:
ohhhh damn this is so so beautiful

this part touched me i dunno why..

"I wasn’t fucking around when I said she was beautiful
I wasn’t
I could never"

--
- plácidamente insensible -
:iconkarcx:
the images and metaphors you use in your poetry is great. the descriptions you use are not too cliche and not too distant for the reader to understand/appreciate, so that's a good balance. you give off a very nice emotional value when you write.

the only suggestion i have is, in this line: "wasn’t fucking around when I said she was beautiful" i dont think the cuss word fits. i am perfectly fine with those kinds of words in writing, but in this circumstance, i dont think it fit in there well. but that may just be me.

--
Reality is an abstract mess pulled out from perfection.

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June 30, 2006
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